Bryan entered Basic Military Training here in San Antonio in the spring of 1983-- on the very same base where we have lived for the past 22 month. Full circle. Here where they will read his official retirement orders, come Friday. I remember crying the day he called me from Texas to tell me he had enlisted for six years instead of four. I also remember the exact spot I stood as I took that phone call in my grandma's Michigan kitchen. Tears. How would I ever survive six years away from my family?
Bryan completed a year of tech school, and then flew home to Michigan on military leave. On May 4, 1984 we were married, and I became a military spouse. For better or worse . . . for near or far . . . for home or deployed . . . for renting or buying . . . for packing and moving . . . and packing and moving . . . and packing and moving . . . for change.
Always change.
So why is it that nearly 29 years since our day of "I do's" that I find myself wrestling with this change? Shouldn't I be a master at it by now? After all, there are many, many years of experience under my belt.
We've lived in 15 different homes, and been stationed at eight different bases (and then repeated several). From a very humble beginning in a single-wide trailer in Mountain Home, Idaho. . .
to the big beautiful blessing of a base house that we were assigned for our final Texas hurrah.
We've lived in small town Georgia and we've lived next to the seawall in Okinawa, Japan. We've enjoyed the winding country roads, and we've been awed by the power and splendor of the East China Sea. We've driven on the right and we've driven on the left. We've greeted some neighbor's with "konnichiwa", and others with a long drawn out "hey"--or better yet just a sweet southern wave. We've become familiar with "y'all" and "all y'all", and fallen in love with the San Antonio skyline (but not the traffic). We've lived near the mountains and we've lived near the beaches. We've had great neighbors and we've had neighbors that have caused us to try harder. Our kids have gone to big schools and small schools and been schooled at home. We've attended many different churches, and have built relationships that are priceless to us. We've lived through years of teary good byes and nervous new hellos.
Each and every one of these experiences has grown and shaped us--sometimes it was easy, sometimes it felt like the hardest thing we'd ever done--and maybe it was.
Change.
We've come a long way. From one baby boy in Idaho . . . to a toddler boy and a baby sister in Okinawa. . . . grown into a Kindergartner and a preschooler in Florida, who are now joined by another baby boy. Years pass.
Texas becomes home, and along comes another baby brother. The first three are now bigs, and then God takes our hearts to China, and our almond eyed treasure makes five.
Beautiful change.
Life moves forward, and the Lord adds a son-in-love,
and then a dear daughter-in-love to our family.
Gifts of change.
And then . . . oh then, comes the gift-doubled. Offspring of my own offspring. The sweetest of blessings, and in an instant with the sound of that first cry, life becomes richer than I could have imagined.
And I realize that it is change that has brought this wealth, this over abundance of love in my heart. Overflowing. For my girl, now a mama, for this new little love-- and for little loves-to-come.
And we are bigger and we are better, and we are crazier then before because change has added to us.
Friday morning we will watch proudly as Chief Master Sergeant Bryan Winder becomes Chief Master Sergeant (Retired) Bryan Winder. Thirty years of service will bear a new title. Change.
I haven't talked about it much, because sometimes change is hard for those who have to go through this upheaval with us--but here we are, the time has come, and soon. Soon our backyard view will go from this
to this. . .
and our address will change from San Antonio, Texas to Adrian, Michigan. We are going back to the one thing that has been a "constant" through the change, we are going home. Home to parents, and siblings and cousins. Home to the area where we grew up, and met, and fell in love . . .
Funny thing, the dream has always been to finish and go home. Had we retired at the usual 20 years we would most likely have returned with our older kids in tow. Those extra ten years brought lots of, you guessed it . . . change. Bryce enlisted in the Air Force. Taylor fell in love with a Texas boy. Brady went off to Spokane, met his wife, got married, and . . . returned.
My dream of going "home" never included the part where I leave my big kids behind. It didn't include the part where I have to watch baby Mo grow through Skype. It just didn't.
So I struggle . . . and one minute I'm excited about our new (to us) home in Michigan, with acres to roam and trees to be climbed. (It's a home with a God story all of its own.) I'm excited about being near loved ones because it has been way too long. I'm excited about four seasons, and my littles experiencing a crisp Michigan fall for the very first time. And in all of it I know that this is the Lord's plan for us for now. But then . . . . I think of Taylor and Brady . . . and Frankie . . . and Sloanie . . . . and sweet baby Moses . . . and all those here in Texas who we love . . . and I crumble inside.
Heart hurting change.
It is then that the Lord speaks one word to me--
Embrace.
He reminds me ever patiently to hold tightly to Him.
He whispers to my heart, "Embrace the change."
Embrace: (
m-br
s
) n. eager acceptance
m-brs) n. eager acceptance
So I ponder this eager acceptance of change, and I wrestle with the embracing of it all. The Lord then gently reminds me of the good that has come because of change. The growth that has come as I've adapted to new places. The strength that has come as I have counted the days through a 365 day remote tour for my husband, parenting solo. The adaptability of my bigs who have endured change upon change, it has made them who they are-- accepting of others, adventurous, and strong. I have watched as one by one, they have left the nest, a change that rocks a mama's heart--but the rewards of seeing them fly are indescribable. Change that affirms. Long ago I watched the Lord change my husband's "two kids is enough" heart-- a nest-filling change. I have watched an orphaned child leave her three year old world behind. Everything she knew. Yet our girl embraced it, and she embraced us, and she never let go. Unimaginable change brought a gift to us all. And over the many, many years I have watched proudly as the Lord has promoted my husband. Blessed change. Each promotion bringing with it greater responsibility and higher expectations, and in time the opportunity for another promotion . . . until it has taken him as far as he could go.
Which brings me right back around to where we are today . . .
with our active duty time drawing to a close,
and a new journey waiting to begin.
Big, big change.
I did a little search prior to writing this post, and I ran across this quote:
"Change always comes bearing gifts." -- Price Pritchett
Always? Yes, I think the answer is "yes". And so I look at change now with old eyes, but new ideas. If I didn't believe it before this tale unfolded; this idea that change is good, I believe it now. Change always comes bearing gifts.
Lord,
I thank you for this journey.
It has been one of great change--
and has indeed come bearing gifts.
I praise you for the journey to come.
By Your grace I will embrace it--
as I wait eagerly to receive its gifts!
Waiting faithfully on the change.
Blessings from my nest ~
Tina
